Starting over, on purpose

After 30 Years, I'm Starting Over — On Purpose‍ ‍

I spent three decades in local government.

Director of Economic Development. Director of Communications. Director of IT. Thirty years of budgets and board meetings, of managing teams through change, of figuring out how to bend and change to meet the needs of a high expectation community on a low expectation budget. It was meaningful work. I'm proud of it. And earlier this year, I walked away from it — not because I was done contributing, but because I realized the contribution I most wanted to make was somewhere else entirely. That somewhere else is families.

What 30 Years in Leadership Taught Me About Parenting

Here's something I noticed over a long career: the skills that make the biggest difference in organizations are almost never technical ones. They're relational. The ability to listen in a way that makes people feel genuinely heard. To express a need or a concern without putting someone on the defensive. To work through conflict and come out the other side with the relationship intact — sometimes stronger. These skills can be taught. I watched people learn them. I watched what happened in teams where they were present, and what happened in teams where they weren't. The difference was not subtle. What I always knew was that these same skills can change a family in meaningful ways. While families aren’t organizations, and children aren’t employees, the same dynamics are at play. People of all ages need to feel heard before they can hear anyone else. Conflict handled badly damages trust. Conflict handled well can actually build it. I raised four children (2 in a blended family) while building that career. Like most parents, I learned a lot by doing — including learning from the times I got it wrong. I also had the experience of raising kids who didn't fit neatly into the molds the world made for them, and discovering that the standard advice didn't always hold up under real conditions. That experience shaped me. It made me a more honest parent, and eventually a better coach.

Why Coaching, and Why Now

I’ve know for awhile, that this would be my next thing. I loved coaching at work, but I really wanted to focus my efforts in families. Because I was a struggling parent that had to learn a lot of skills to find peace and progress at home. And I don’t want to keep that information - the skills - a secret. I know the difference skills can make. Do last October, I retire. And, I enrolled in coach training through training through ADDCA — the ADD Coach Academy — including their family coaching program, which focuses specifically on the dynamics that show up when ADHD is part of the picture. And I became a certified instructor for Parent Effectiveness Training, a program developed by Dr. Thomas Gordon that has been helping families build better communication skills for decades. Each of those paths converged on the same thing: a belief that parents who are struggling don't need more judgment. They need better tools, and someone who takes their situation seriously.

Who I'm Hoping to Reach

If you've read this far, you might be a parent who is tired. Tired of the conflict, tired of feeling like you're failing at something that should come naturally, tired of advice that doesn't account for your actual child. Or you might be further along — past the hardest years, but aware that the relationship with your grown or nearly-grown kid has some distance in it that you'd like to close. Or you might be a professional who works with families and you're looking for resources for parents who would benefit from practical communication and conflict resolution skills.

Whoever you are: I'm glad you're here. This is the work I've been building toward for a long time. I'm starting it with humility and with real conviction that it matters. If anything here resonates, I'd love to connect.

If you want to learn more or chat, you can reach me at ingrid@alverdecoaching.com or at 707-504-0287.